


You breathe like your lungs aren't full of matches

by RedWritingHood



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, I need help, No-Angst Zone, but also maybe has some feelings, dad visits son at work, my name is redwritinghood and i am a tag addict, son does not appreciate dad's efforts, too many tags, yes the title is a pun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2019-06-07 06:08:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15212864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedWritingHood/pseuds/RedWritingHood
Summary: Red Hood gets a brief visit from Matches Malone.





	You breathe like your lungs aren't full of matches

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, I wanna say that if anyone feels iffy about that 'I am a tag addict' thing, you can tell me and I'll remove it as soon as I see your message.  
> Second of all . . . wow, this story is short and nothing really happens in it. Aside from unexpected feelings. Inspiration is really punching me in the face and taking of with everything I have. If anyone finds my inspiration, please watch out. It may steal away with your valuables, and possibly your will to live.
> 
>  
> 
> The title is from "WAR", by Former Vandal

"Boss," Red Hood hears one of his men--Dave Radcliff, new on the block, but efficiant so far--call to him. "Found this guy hangin' around outside, real suspicious-like. Could be an undercover cop or somethin'."

  
"Bring him here," Jason says, raising his voice just loud enough to be heard. He doesn't know who the hell would think it was a bright idea to loiter around the Red Hood's territory, but stupidity runs rampant among the masses.

  
Dave drags the guy inside until they're standing in front of Jason, like a guard bringing a prisoner before the king.

  
Except in this case, the king is a crime boss, and the prisoner is Matches Malone.

  
Jason looks at him for a moment, then puts a hand on his forehead--well, his helmet--and turns away. "Goddammit," he mutters. "This explains so much."

  
Stupidity runs rampant, sure, but so does a healthy dose of self-preservation. And who doesn't have an ounce of self-preservation in their soul? A Bat, of course!

  
That's not even a joke. The Riddler would've done something cruel and unusual if anyone tried to stump him with a question like that.

  
Jason gives himself a moment to despise this situation, then turns back to fix it. "Are you an idiot?" he demands. "That's Matches Malone! He's been here since forever! Everyone knows Matches, don't we, guys?" he calls to his subordinates.

  
There's a chorus of agreements and little snippets of information, like _'Oh, yeah, I've known Matches since I was just startin' out',_ or _'Sure, Matches introduced me to my wife'_ and _'Yeah, great guy, babysat my kids.'_

  
Wait.

  
Jason looks at Matches. "You babysat Frank's kids?"

  
Matches shrugs, casually. "Sure. Good kids he's got, really well-behaved. Weren't any trouble at all."

  
"Bet that was a new experience for you," Jason says under his breath. But Bruce has the hearing of a Super, which is always a problem when you're trying to make scathing remarks that you don't want him to know about. Not that Jason cares if Bruce knows about any scathing remarks he makes. Not that he cares about anything to do with Bruce at all.

  
So there's definitely a perfectly reasonable explanation for why Jason's heart does something weird and jumpy when he catches the twitch of Bruce's lips, not quite a smile but also maybe one after all.

It's heart palpitations. Jason might be having a heart attack right this very minute. That'll teach Bruce to smile like that agai-- no, this has nothing to do with Bruce's smile.

  
Goddammit. Jason needs to stop reading those cheesy romance novels that Dick keeps leaving in his safehouse. They're starting to rub off on him.

  
He clears his throat and makes a gesture with his hand. "Go on and escort Matches back out, Dave. I got an empire to run, and I don't like someone wasting my time. Matches..." He feels his lips twist, invisible under the helmet. "...stay out of trouble."

  
Matches salutes him--inside every Bat, there is a little bastard waiting to get out--and says, "I'd say the same, but I got a feeling you ain't gonna listen." Then he winks, like he knows exactly how much that makes Jason want to rip off the man's eyelids.

  
And with that, he saunters out (actually saunters, dammit, Jason can never unsee that), Dave only a step behind him.

  
Jason feels like he's just been through a shoot-out, a car-chase, and a run-in with both the Demonic Birdy Brat and Goldy the Affectionate Octopus. And the day's not even over yet.

  
He hates dealing with Bats.


End file.
